Previews: Book of Eli [movies]

Book of Eli (2010)
Post-Apocalyptic/Action; USA

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Let it be known that although everybody and their mom is jizzing all over this "Book of Eli" trailer, I for one am not amused. I know what you're saying, "But Chris, it's post-apocalyptic, there are bandits with machetes, rocket-launchers and dilapidated urban landscapes! How could you not be into that?"

It's true, superficially this movie should be the dog's bollocks, but it's most assuredly going to be garbage and I'll tell you how I know that:

1. Denzel Washington is a one-dimensional actor that plays the same character in every movie.
2. Almost every shot in the trailer has all the focus in the center of the frame which almost always = uninspired. That immediately puts this on par with the artistic excellence that was "Ghost Rider".
3. Stock wasteland baddies circle around the lone hero as he proceeds to take them all out one-by-one using highly choreographed martial arts and CQC as the camera tracks around the action like this is a fuckin' Jet Li movie. Remember how out of place the choreographed fighting was in "Watchmen"?
4. The persistently sunglass-clad badass kicks open the door with a shotgun in hand and stands motionless in the door frame before entering to emphasize the badassery that drips from his every pore. I'd be very surprised if Denzel didn't drop a brooding badass one-liner at that very moment in the film. And chances are it wont be anywhere near the quality of "I came to chew bubblegum and kick ass...and I'm all out of bubblegum".
5. And finally - there hasn't been a big-budget genre movie in the last decade or so that looked awesome in trailers and ended up actually being good in full format, so simply by law of averages this movie will suck.

But don't let my sour, unimpressed rantings mold your opinion - check it out for yourself: