Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen (2009)Action/Sci-Fi; USA
150 uncalled for minutes
Okay, so a lot of people called me an idiot for not liking JJ Abrams' "Star Trek", yet most people can universally agree that "Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen" is a steaming pile of highly saturated, lens flaring, shaky cam shit. WTF, people? They're both written by the same motherfuckers! They both exhibit the same forays into total random stupidity. To point out the shittiness of one is to admit the same qualities exist in the other.
There isn't much to say about this movie other than it's just totally wanktastic. The colors are bright and shiny, the CGI is over-the-top and almost looks like stop-motion at times (not in a good way), the writing is ridiculously stupid and the story is just like...why? I'll admit that the Decepticons are pretty cool and the stuff in space was somewhat awesome looking, but beyond that it's just a total waste of time and money. If you're going to do mindless eye-candy, then for the love of all that's holy, do it with some kind of conviction! I like to see shit blowing up as much as the next guy, but if that's all you've got then at least make it a "rollercoaster ride of thrills and spills" and not just a "slowly moving escalator of stumbles and near misses". See "G.I. Joe" instead - at least you'll be mildly entertained.
The one thing I will say is that "T:ROTF" has some of the most heinous displays of racism portrayed on film since "Birth of a Nation".
Meet "Mudflaps" and "Skids" (both names that evoke shit, coincidentally) - the two jive-talkin' sambo-bots that provide the slapstick comic relief and colorful commentary for the majority of the film. Why? Who the fuck knows! Because it's in the script, I guess. They'll soft-shoe their way into your hearts and then proceed to cut them out with a switchblade while raping all the white women you've ever known. But, by golly, aren't they a hoot!?
Now, to be fair, they aren't the only robots in the movie that talk like they've heard one too many Ice Cube songs - in fact, most of the side characters are consistently reppin' their street cred for some reason. However, these are the only two characters who look like their parents downed three bottles of Nyquil and chased it with a crack pick-me-up every single day while pregnant with them.
Give this some time if you're into: sitting through hours of crap in the hopes that you'll see a little hint of Megan Fox's boobs. (SPOILERS) YOU DON'T SEE ANY! NOT EVEN SIDE-BOOB!
Related Posts:
Star Trek Gets All Michael Bay'd Out
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Now, to be fair, they aren't the only robots in the movie that talk like they've heard one too many Ice Cube songs - in fact, most of the side characters are consistently reppin' their street cred for some reason. However, these are the only two characters who look like their parents downed three bottles of Nyquil and chased it with a crack pick-me-up every single day while pregnant with them.
Give this some time if you're into: sitting through hours of crap in the hopes that you'll see a little hint of Megan Fox's boobs. (SPOILERS) YOU DON'T SEE ANY! NOT EVEN SIDE-BOOB!
Related Posts:
Star Trek Gets All Michael Bay'd Out
Take Back The Movie Night
High Revelations on Michael Bay
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